Keeping a secret
by SnowxSerah1990
Summary: Snow starts drinking to forget the past, but hides it from Serah. When she eventually finds out does she leave him, or stand by her man? My first fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, concern in her eyes.

Snow looked at his petite girlfriend. She looked so fragile, how could he tell her the truth? He vowed he'd never lie to her, but here he was, opening his mouth to tell her the exact opposite once again.

"I'm fine," he answered, giving her his biggest-and most fake-smile. She didn't look like she bought it, so he went a step further and pulled her into a bear hug, kissing her lightly on the forehead. She was smiling when he put her down; a good sign.

"Well, if you're sure...I'm heading off to meet Lightning in town so I'll see you back here later, okay?"

"Sure, no probs. Enjoy your day." He kissed her once more; this time on the lips and watched her leave. Once the door was firmly shut he quickly locked it, then went straight to his secret stash in the bedroom.

Within no time at all he felt better. The pain of past memories was more or less gone. Now, he only felt numbness and a little woozy. He gulped some more from the bottle in his hand, then staggered downstairs.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Perfect." he thought to himself sarcastically. He had no intention of answering the door; the last thing he needed was whoever it was to see him like this and tell Serah. She'd only worry, and if she told Lightning, well, that was even worse.

_Knock, knock, knock._

He took another swig from the bottle.

"Snow? You in there?"

Oh. So it was Hope.

Snow waited silently until he heard footsteps fade away, then threw the empty bottle in the trash, tied the bag up and took it outside. He was still a bit off-balance so he stumbled upstairs to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water.

"Better brush my teeth, too," he thought, and did so.

Two hours later the house was clean and tidy, and Snow was asleep on the couch smelling of toothpaste and strong aftershave. He didn't hear Serah come in, and she startled him awake by spraying him with water.

"Hey!" he yelled as she giggled, "What was that for?"

"Don't be so lazy," she replied, still laughing. "It's still early."

He grinned back at her sheepishly, then pulled her towards him for a kiss. He loved her so much, and he felt guilty for keeping things from her but it was the only way to keep her innocence. He just wanted to protect her.

"So..."said Serah, looking a little worried, "we're going out tomorrow...with Lightning."

Snow froze.

"How long for?" he asked.

"Just the day." she smiled, "You can be civil to each other for one day, right?"

"Uh...right." he said, only his heart was pounding. A whole day without a drink? He couldn't do it. He had to find a way to get out of it. Maybe he'd act ill so Serah would cancel.

"Are you really sure you're okay?" Serah asked for about the twentieth time that day.

"Yeah, just fine." he lied. Maybe he _could_ do it. After all, it wasn't like he drank loads. Just enough to block everything out for a couple of hours. Yeah...he could manage one day. Easy.


	2. Chapter 2

_He could manage one day. Easy._

Not so easy. Everywhere he looked there seemed to be shops selling alcohol, and he was more than a little tempted. Lightning and Serah were talking away, oblivious to the mental battle that was going on inside his head. He had considered mentioning that they should all go for just one drink, but he knew what Lightning was like and decided against it. She was suspiscious of everything, so he'd better not.

A group of kids went past drinking pop from bottles and he groaned inwardly. Even that reminded him of his secret stash back home. If he was going to last the day then he had to focus on something else.

"So are we just going to walk around shops all day, or actually go somewhere?" he asked Serah.

She turned to look at him. "I don't know, where do you want to go?" she asked.

He thought for a moment. Where could they go that would take his mind away from drinking, yet also stop him from letting the past get to him again?

Lightning suddenly interrupted his thoughts. "How about we go see a movie? That is if you two aren't going to make me feel like a gooseberry."

Serah giggled and Snow felt his cheeks go red, but Lightning was right. It _would _be good to see a movie. No alcohol allowed, plus the film would take his mind away from it all.

"Sure, a movie sounds great," he said, and Serah smiled at him. She liked it when he tried to get along with her Sister.

10 minutes later they were looking at the list of movies available to watch.

"Any ideas?" Serah asked him.

"Hmm..." Snow looked over the titles, but all of them seemed fine. "Why don't you pick one? I'll go buy the popcorn."

So Serah and Lightning chose a film and went to get tickets whilst Snow went to the food counter and bought the popcorn. There was an advertisement for beer at one side but he ignored it. He'd lasted so far, he could last the rest of the day.

Snow had to admit, he felt slightly awkward sitting between his girlfriend and her older, grudge-holding Sister. He figured Serah had seated him there on purpose. She really wanted things to work out, and who could blame her for trying? Lightning didn't look best pleased herself, which made Snow a little happier.

Finally the lights dimmed, the whispers of other people in the cinema died down and Snow felt Serah entwine her fingers with his. He gave her hand a squeeze and she returned it.

"Oh for goodness sake," he thought as the first advertisement-one for beer-came up.

Serah leaned towards him. "Are you okay? she whispered.

He hadn't noticed that he'd gripped her hand, and loosened his grip quickly.

"Yeah," he whispered back. "Sorry, just a bit loud that's all."

Even in the dark he could see her frown at him. She didn't believe him, and he could feel Lightning staring at him, too. He just focused on the big screen until they both looked away.

It was the usual type of romance film. Serah loved romantic films, but he could bet Lightning would be feeling pretty awkward watching it with them. The guy on the film had a good job, a nice home, plenty of cash. Then he meets a beautiful woman and they fall in love. Snow had an idea where it would end; he'd watched so many of them with Serah. Always a happy ending.

Only this wasn't. There was an accident, and the guy's girlfriend died. He could hear Serah sniffing and put his arm around her. He couldn't help but smile. She was so soft, and that was what he loved about her.

The next part of the film made Snow freeze. The guy can't cope so he starts drinking. He blames himself for everything, and just wants to block the pain out.

"What's wrong?" Serah asked him.

He'd been gripping her shoulder this time, and as he let go he stood up. "Sorry, gotta go to the bathroom," he said, then walked as fast as he could down the stairs and out of the cinema.

He walked until he found a place where there was nobody around and sat down on the pavement. He was desperate for a drink. Just one. Heck, he'd even take a sip! He felt awful for just walking out like that, but he had to leave.

After just a few minutes he heard footsteps approaching and looked up. Serah was looking at him, a mixture of worry and concern on her face.

"Talk to me," she said as she sat down on the pavement next to him.

"I'm fine, just needed some fresh air," he lied.

Seah looked down for a minute, and when she looked back up Snow was shocked to see tears in her eyes.

"I guess you don't really love me, then," she said, her voice shaking slightly.

"What? How can you say that? Serah, I-"

"No, Snow! You've been acting like this for days now! We're meant to be in a relationship, we're meant to love each other! And lovers...are meant to be there for each other. I can't be there for you if you won't let me in." she was really crying now.

Snow tried to put his arm around her but she shrugged him off.

"I'm going home," she said. "I'll wait the rest of the day for you. So you can either come home and tell me what's going on, or don't come home at all."

Snow tried to protest but she stood up and ran down the road and out of sight. He wondered what Serah had said to Lightning. He wondered what Serah's reaction would be if he told her the truth. Did she mean it? Was it over if he didn't come up with a good story? He thought hard about what to say, then decided Serah deserved the truth. He got up, and started making his way home.

What he saw when he walked in was not at all what he had expected, and he felt his stomach turn slightly. His secret stash was no longer secret. All the cans and bottles were lined up waiting for him on the kitchen table. A part of him wanted to grab one and start drinking, but he forced himself past them and into the next room where he found Serah seated on the couch.

Her face was wet with tears and he instantly felt guilty. He had let her down, and worse than that, he had gone behind her back and lied to her face.

She heard him come in and gave him a half-hearted smile. He had expected her to shout, so that was a relief.

"How long?" she asked.

"A while." he felt nervous. Was this the calm before the storm? Would she flip after he answered all her questions?

"Why?" she looked him in the eyes. "Am I that difficult to live with?"

He managed a weak laugh. "Of course not! You're the only thing that keeps me going each day."

"Then why?"

He took a deep breath. "It hurts. Everything that happened. I blame myself. I couldn't save you, Serah. I missed you so much, you were gone and I thought I'd never get you back."

"But you _did_ save me! You got me back, and if it wasn't for you and the others then I wouldn't be here right now!"

She didn't understand. Just because she was okay now didn't mean it was okay that he'd let her be in that kind of danger in the first place. He tried to explain again but his voice broke and he turned away.

"She should leave me," he thought. "Not only did I let her down, develop a drinking problem and lie to her about it, but now I'm letting myself get upset in front of her, too."

It was then that he felt small hands round his waist, comforting him, slowly turning him around. When he opened his eyes Serah was smiling at him. She didn't look angry.

"It doesn't matter. Listen to me, I love you and nothing is going to change that. Let me help you through this."

He didn't know what to say, so he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her instead. She returned the kiss, then beckoned to him and went into the kitchen.

When he followed her in she handed him one of the bottles from the table.

"I think you know what you need to do," she said softly, and he did.

He crossed the room to the sink, and slowly unscrewed the bottle top. He paused for a moment, then told himself he could do this and poured it down the drain.

"See? It's not so hard," Serah said, and passed him the next bottle. It was going to be a long night, he could tell.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't just a long night, it was a long week. Serah cancelled all her appointments and meet-ups with friends. Whether it was because she wanted to make sure he didn't drink anything or because she genuinely wanted to be there for him, he wasn't sure. She had been more quiet the past week, and he felt he was to blame. She just didn't trust him anymore, he was sure of that.

She came into the room, interrupting his thoughts.

"We've spent a week in the house," she said. "Do you think you'll be okay if we go out somewhere today?"

It had been her idea, keeping him inside and away from temptation. He'd opened up to her about the advertisements and seeing the kids drinking pop. She'd been sympathetic, and decided it was best for him to be secluded for a while.

"Snow?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Sounds good." he'd been lost in thought again. His mind kept jumping from the past to the drinking, to his relationship with Serah. He had begun to worry that he'd lose her.

"Okay, well, I'll go get ready and then we can go." she smiled at him then left the room.

Snow got up and walked to the window. It was a nice day for a picnic. He went downstairs and started looking through the fridge and cupboards. He packed up some picnic-type stuff into a bag and then sat down at the kitchen table. It would do them good to do something nice together.

After a few more minutes Serah came downstairs.

"Picnic?" he asked.

"Sure," she replied, and they set off for the local park.

It was a lovely hot day, and as they sat and laughed together Snow felt himself slowly lift slightly. Maybe all he'd needed was a bit of fun. After they'd finished their picnic they went to the lake to throw the rest of the bread in for the ducks, then walked around hand in hand.

"So..." started Serah, but then she paused.

"What?"

"How are you feeling?"

He stopped and turned to face her. He knew what she meant. "I'm fine, and I really mean it this time, I promise." And he did; he was beginning to feel like his old self again.

She beamed up at him, "Glad to hear it," she said.

"Hey," he asked, suddenly feeling the need to let his worries be known. "Are we okay? As in you and me?"

"Of course we are," she looked surprised that he'd asked. "Love is unconditional, remember?"

"Yeah..." he just needed to hear her say it. Everyone saw him as the big strong guy who could fight anything, yet the truth was that without Serah he had nothing to fight for. They were like two halves of a whole.

That night they watched a movie together cuddled on the couch, and the day after Snow took Serah out for romantic candlelit dinner. Things were getting better each day, and he had her to thank for that.

Days turned into weeks, then months and eventually a group of friends asked Snow out for a lads night.

Serah looked worried when he mentioned it to her.

"Are you sure you're ready?" she asked him, looking like she'd rather he did anything else but that.

"It's been months, I'll just have a few drinks and come straight home," he reassured her.

She didn't look convined, but let him go nonetheless.

Once there he wished he hadn't agreed to it. He could smell the stuff before he even walked through the door, and the urge to drink had come racing straight back. He thought of texting Serah and telling her he was coming straight home, but he knew this was the final test. If he could have just a few drinks and go home without being desperate for more then he was in the clear. He couldn't back out now.

He downed the first pint pretty quickly, and immediately ordered a second. His friends had only sipped theirs slightly, and he looked away when he saw the way they stared at him.

After another couple of pints he was having a lot more fun. Everything everyone said was amusing to him. He never heard his phone ringing, and didn't hear the text alert from Serah asking if he was okay and was he coming home anytime soon.

After a good hour later the conversation between him and his friends turned to girls, and Snow was insulted when they called him "boring" now that he was living with Serah.

"I'll show you boring!" he exclaimed as he went to the bar and ordered a other round. He noticed a gorgeous looking woman with her back to him, and, grinning at his friends, grabbed her rear end.

He got the shock of his life as Lightning whipped round and slapped him hard across his face.

"What is wrong with you!" she shouted. "You're with my Sister!"

The whole bar had gone quiet.

"Uh, I was just messing," Snow stammered. "Just fun...and, uh, stuff."

"You stink," she said flatly, and Snow sniffed his armpits to check. He thought he smelled just fine.

"Home." said Lightning. "Now."

He didn't need telling twice. He quickly grabbed his phone and left, ignoring the laughter escalating from his friends' table.

He knew Lightning would tell Serah, and he wanted to get home before she did so he could explain. He heard a loud beeping noise from behind and realised he was walking on the road with the traffic behind him. He went on the pavement and the cars passed by.

"I'll just tell her I got a little carried away, but I'm fine," he said to himself.

He was consulting with himself as to whether turning up with flowers was a good idea when he heard another loud beeping noise, this time from ahead. He looked up in time to see the glare of headlights, then everything went dark.


	4. Chapter 4

All Snow could think about was Serah. He opened his eyes. A nurse came over and asked him if he wanted anything. He asked for Serah, but then he felt his eyes go heavy and everything swirled around him.

He woke up a few more times, but every time he did there was no Serah, just a different nurse or sometimes nobody was with him at all. He tried lifting his arms but couldn't. He wasn't in any pain though, so that was a plus.

Finally he woke up without feeling groggy and took a good look around. He was definitely in a hospital. He looked down and saw that his left arm was broken. He tried to remember what had happened, but everthing was a blur to him. Then he remembered the pub, and what had happened with Lightening.

"Serah!" he thought out loud. Had Lightening told her everything? Is that why Serah wasn't there with him? He tried getting out of bed and felt his head spin, but he continued on. He had to find her and explain.

He'd just left the room when he bumped into someone.

"Oops, sorry," he said, and looked down.

Serah looked up at him with surprise. "You're awake!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, looks that way," he said. "Hey Serah, I have to explain-"

"Not now," she cut him off. "You're lucky to be alive, Snow. Explanations can wait until later."

He wanted to argue back; Serah deserved an explanation, but at the same time she didn't seem angry so he let it go and followed her back into the room.

"What happened to me?" he asked her once they were sat down.

"You were hit by a car. Luckily the driver saw you and braked, but he still hit you. If he hadn't have seen you, then... you'd probably be dead now." she looked sad when she said it, and Snow worried that there was more.

"All I got was a broken arm?" he asked.

She paused before she answered, "No. You've been in and out of a coma for a while."

"How long?"

"...three months."

"But my head's okay now, right? I mean, I feel a bit off-balance but I'm fine."

"Yeah, you're okay now. You had a bit of head damage when you fell. You might have some problems with balance from now on, but there are certain things the doctor can help you with so that'll get better."

He sighed with relief. He still needed to talk to Serah about what happened before the accident, though, and after some persuading Serah agreed to take him home.

Once there he told her he hadn't meant it, and she listened. She stayed quiet throughout his explanation of really meaning to have just a couple of drinks, but then it all went to his head and before he knew it he was drunk. He told her about what happened with Lightening, and even though she did look hurt she didn't say anything. He told her he was on his way home to tell her everything when the accident happened, and then she spoke.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you go. But I have my own explanation to make."

Snow looked at Serah confused, so she continued.

"I told Lightening to keep an eye on you. I should have done it myself, then I'd have walked home with you and this never would have happened. I'm sorry."

She did look sorry, too, but Snow felt so much worse.

"After all that I did, _you're _the one apologising? Serah," he took her hands in his, and she looked up at him, "you're not responsible for my actions. That's all me. I'm the one who should be sorry. I should have known I wasn't ready the second I walked in."

She smiled and nuzzled her head into his chest. "Well, what now?" she asked.

"Well," he thought for a moment. "We start again. I'll stay away from temptation. Then, when I think I'm ready, we'll _both_ go somewhere for a drink, and if I'm not ready then we'll go straight home."

Serah entwined her fingers with his. "Sounds like a plan," she said.

Maybe it was because he'd been in a coma, but Snow found it easier the second time around. Staying home most of the time was fine by him, and on the rare occassion that they did go anywhere he didn't feel so tempted.

It had been months since the accident, and finally him and Serah went to the pub. They ordered soft drinks only, and didn't stay long. With each visit they stayed a little longer, until Snow could stay over an hour and have just one drink without getting the urge to have another.

"I'm so proud of you," Serah told him on their way home on evening.

"I couldn't have done it without you," he replied, and he meant it. She'd been his rock throughout this whole thing.

The next week it was time to go for a drink with his mates. Snow could see the worry in Serah's eyes, but he reassured her it wouldn't be like last time.

He could smell it when he reached the pub doors, but it didn't bother him like it had done before. They went in and got a table. Everybody was drinking, but Snow didn't let it bother him. He ordered half a pint for himself, and sipped it slowly. Once he'd finished he stood up.

"Getting another?" one of his mates asked.

"Nope, think I'll pass," he said, smiling. "I have an amazing girlfriend to get home to."

He left the pub to the jeers and wolf-whistles from their table, but this time for all the right reasons.

**THE END**


End file.
